Saturday was World Mental Health Day.
Today, let’s talk about the stress created by relationships between colleagues.
There doesn’t have to be an open conflict.
Someone says things behind a colleague’s back that they would never say to their face. Sometimes they don’t know whether those things are true. Or, worse still, they know they aren’t.
Someone else “forgets” to invite a person to a meeting they need to attend. And it starts happening more often.
Important information bypasses the person who needs it. Then they are asked why they didn’t act in time.
Someone’s contribution is consistently played down. A good result is “nothing special”, but every mistake gets an audience.
An idea shared with a colleague is suddenly presented as that colleague’s own. The person who actually came up with it is in the room, wondering whether to speak up or let it go.
Obstacles are put in someone’s way, and then they are held accountable for the result. Approval is delayed, support is missing, requirements keep changing — but the failure is theirs.
Someone voices disagreement and gradually finds themselves left out of conversations and decisions. Nobody tells them to keep quiet. But next time, they know it is safer to stay silent.
Some situations look like misunderstandings or coincidences. But when they happen repeatedly, they change how a person feels and behaves at work. They start watching what they say and who they say it to. They think carefully about who to copy into emails and which conversations to document “just in case”. They avoid certain people. They decide to stay silent.
Some of the attention they could devote to their work now goes into protecting themselves.
And we almost never know what else is happening in their life. They may be caring for an ill parent, going through a divorce, facing financial difficulties or worrying about their child. Waiting for medical results. Grieving a loss. And still, they come to work in the morning, turn on their camera and say, “Good morning.”
We don’t have to like everyone we work with. Disagreement and criticism are part of work. But there is a difference between professional disagreement and behaviour that humiliates, isolates or undermines another person.
Psychological safety does not mean an absence of criticism or lower standards.
It means being able to say “I disagree”, “I don’t understand”, “I need help” or “That was my mistake” without calculating the personal price you will pay.
Being able to work without constantly watching your back.
Being able to raise a problem without becoming “the problem”.
Receiving honest feedback without being humiliated.
We usually ask people how they cope with stress.
Less often do we ask ourselves: “How much stress am I creating for the people I work with?”
We know less about the person in front of us than we think.
We don’t know what battles they are already fighting.
The least we can do is avoid turning the workplace into another battlefield.
If this raises questions about your own leadership, explore executive and business coaching. For work with a management team on shared leadership behaviours, explore leadership development.